Harry Styles Is Terrible at Putting Me to Sleep


Photo Credit:ELLE Magazine (US)

I’d like a word with whoever thought this man would calm me down.

July 9, 2020
From the get-go, Styles’ attempt at a lullaby is mildly erotic. After introducing himself (“Hello, I’m Harry Styles”), he promises,”Tonight we’re going to think about anything you’d like. So first let’s visualize some scenes to see us through the night.” I know how to take direction, immediately conjuring dreams of Harry’s cardigans and that Target candle that
reportedly smells like him
But instead of counting sheep, I may as well have tracked the amount of times my mouth gasped open in mock scandal. I don’t want to spoil too much of Harry’s pillow talk, as it’s best experienced in the privacy of one’s own mind. But the singer takes listeners on a tour of several sexy scenarios. There’s getting caught in a rainstorm in a”dreamy moonlit town,” snuggling on a raft where we”drift for endless hours,” and sitting in a cabin”as a fire crackles in the corner, just for me and you.

Courtesy of the Calm App
Turns out Styles’ sometimes rhyming, always rhythmic delivery is counterproductive to the REM cycle.”Inhale the morning air as we explore just me and you,” is an actual sentence supposed to inspire you to doze. It made me want to fall asleep in the way the Hot Priest™ from
made me want to go to a church confessional booth. That is to say, for all the wrong reasons.
(A photo of him recording said sleep story doesn’t help matters.)
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For More Details : ELLE Magazine (US)