Naturally, the fast-food restaurant partnered with known crystal enthusiast, Spencer Pratt of ‘The Hills,’ as well as UberEats
. Here’s a video about it, in which Pratt attracts hummingbirds (or “hummies,” which sounds like a very different thing) with his nacho necklace:
Pratt also offered this statement, as if it explains anything: “Mercury in retrograde is no joke and I do whatever I can to combat those bad vibes from extra quality time with my hummingbirds to cleansing my crystal collection and more. I’ve always been a Taco Bell superfan and was so pumped to team up with Uber Eats and Taco Bell to bring together my two favorite things, Crystals and Nachos.”
Cosmically, though, I think I can make this make sense.
[Editor’s note: Jaya literally
and is in fact our in-house expert.]
Amethyst is a stone primarily of balance. Its name comes from the ancient Greek
, “The falsehoods of the magicians would persuade us that these stones are preventive of inebriety,” and that “if we inscribe the names of the sun and moon upon this stone, and then wear it suspended from the neck, with some hair of [a baboon] and feathers of the swallow, it will act as a preservative against all noxious spells.” The Taco Bell amethyst does not come with hair of baboon nor feather of swallow, but it
come on a necklace, with a drip of gold that feels like the name of the sun, so protection there is! If Mercury in retrograde is a time of great unbalance, the sobering and protecting powers of amethyst make it a fitting stone for Taco Bell and Pratt to shill.
Also, consider the shape of the nacho-thyst: A triangle, the sturdiest, most balanced shape of all geometry, serving to further concentrate and solidify amethyst’s balancing powers. This is replicated in the nachos themselves, which are both composed of many triangle chips and layered with sour cream, cheese, and ground beef in, dare I say, a delicate flavor balance? And that the RetroGrande Nachos are free with a $12 purchase…1+2=3, the number of sides of a triangle, the number which
in numerology represents
a person who is skilled at communication, the precise area Mercury in retrograde is said to affect! Wheels within wheels people! It’s all happening.
As a member of the press looking to do my due diligence to journalism AND mysticism, I requested the Taco Bell amethyst ten days ago and it still has not arrived for me to see how balancing it is for myself. What I do feel confident in, however, is that Taco Bell certainly thought about everything detailed above (the symbolism of amethyst, the numerology, etc.) and didn’t just jump on the flimsy pun “RetroGrande.” Anyway, I hope my crystal arrives soon and I’m looking forward to figuring out which of my chakras is aligned with nachos.
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